cake eating

It's like I have fans, right? Not quite, but I do have priceless friends that will last and last and last for this life on Earth. One fan friend writes: "How are things in the 'sippi? I am writing to tell you that I am disappointed in the lack of blogs lately. I will have you know that the ONLY reason I have been logging into myspace is to check for more Jenny Brooks blogs. I am sure you have some good stories to tell! Maybe about the dog that is trying to adopt you, or about your cute little boy, etc!!!"

Little does she know that I am using this to exploit her! J Well, I included this portion for a few reasons. One, because she always gives me such warm fuzzies and that's because she is a friend for life. Two, this is to prove to all of us, that we don't all have to be crack addicts, umm, I mean MySpace addicts and that there IS INDEED HOPE FOR US ALL. Third, I have a sad disclaimer. I also included her submission because I plan to use it to disclaim my initial blog below. The truth of the matter is, while I would have posted this sooner, because it had already been written (I wasn't sure I liked it and I wasn't sure it really got any point across. Yes, sometimes I do try to make a point.).

This reader, Em, (she's my #2, but only on MySpace) is my best friend from college. And while we're all grown ups here, she knew me at a time in my life where talking about sex was not exactly my "cup of tea." I do need to tell her that the reason I am not going to talk about the "dog that is trying to adopt" us is because, well, in all honesty a sex story will emerge. See this dog trying to claim us as family really belongs to the family that lives in the trailer behind our property. For much of the late evening Saturday this dear little brindle boxer was running around every door outside our house trying to get in. Our boxer, Rainey, is already crazy by herself, let alone with some dog encouraging her. As much as this dog was skinny and malnourished, my husband and Emily insisted that feeding it would not be a good idea if I wanted the dog to leave us alone. So we didn't feed it. AND IT STILL HUNG AROUND. ALL NIGHT. It even managed to find the back door of our house that goes into our bedroom and scratch and jump on the door. I am going to spare you details….but leave you with this. Picture a married couple trying to spend a little romance together, and the dog almost breaks down the door. Think I'm kidding? Well, it's true. After all sorts of jumping on our door and us having cold weather at night. It seems the metal door contracts when it's cold, and doesn't stay latched too well because of it. I said, "Rob, why does it seem that the door is open?" Rob's like, "Because it is!" I jump out of bed, and quickly shut the door out. A second more, and the dog would have been in our house meeting Rainey. Two lively boxers is NOT what you need at midnight and mainly due to the "thing" mentioned earlier.

Below is the blog I have just prefaced. Ha – if you can call it that.

I have been thinking about the saying "you can't have your cake and eat it, too." I think we all agree that it is a ridiculous statement, because we all say "well, if I have cake, of course, I want to eat it." Yes, we all know this is true. Lately, though, it has made me think, because I think what the adage really meant was you actually have to work at it to get your cake. If you want to eat cake, you must work for cake. In this case you must combine all the ingredients into a batter, and bake it in the oven.

This has been the case for me. Well, sort of. It has been a sacrifice issue for me. In this case, cake is baby. I want the "cake", but I don't want to eat it? Wait a sec. So analogies don't work as well for me as they do my husband. Rob loves analogies. He loves using them to explain things to me. It actually suits him quite well, because it helps me understand airplane stuff. For instance, my favorite story is "turning into the notch". You should ask him sometime. But this is off my issue of cake.

Cake is good. Baby is good. I'm willing to bake a "cake" cake, but not a "baby" cake. Really what I am trying to say is that lately I have been feeling the "feeling" of another child. Wanting one. Feeling ready. Ben conveniently gives me good excuses to hide behind, just by his every day antics. But this is not living life. Living life is not making excuses, so I cannot really use his mischievous antics to change my mind about future Brooks children. The bottom line here is that I want another baby, but I don't want to have to bake it. Literally. Pretty bad, huh? Well, it gets a little worse. The reason I don't want to "bake" it is because I have grown to be pretty proud of my figure, because this is the first time in my life that I have actually worked pretty hard for it. No, I was never overweight. No, I don't have a Weight Watchers testimony to tell. No, I wasn't a "Monica". But I do feel that I with my running and my love of physical fitness, I have earned this body, and I enjoy pushing it to its limits and being tough. So the prideful nature in me really does not look forward to "baking" a baby and being all big and pregnant and stuff. As much as I know this sounds bad, I really don't mean to be vain. It apparently is something linked to my human nature, so please forgive me.

I am a little embarrassed and realize that this prideful arrogance needs to vanish. Even Rob – known for being the "diplomatic" one in the family – didn't argue with me when I said, "that's pretty bad, huh?" I have even tried to look at "baking" as a challenge to get myself psyched about it again. I would think to myself, "Just think of the challenge of trying to shrink a SECOND time!" It has made me pretty torn about it, and I know the right answer. I know that the way I feel is wrong and, frankly, ungodly.

Life is sacrifice. And if you don't sacrifice, you don't live. I really believe that.

I think humility is an ongoing battle. Because I have never been very competitive and certainly not sports-minded, I am realizing how important it is to remain humble. I know that that involves continuing to go to God and be honest. Being meek. Being earnest. God is my true gauge, not me. I need to want what He wants.

And perhaps, that is why the adage makes more sense to me now. You really don't want to eat cake (and you surely *don't* deserve it), if you're not willing to make it yourself. At least this is proving to be my situation. I don't know. Would love thought from anyone. Maybe you have your own stumbling blocks in different areas of you life. Maybe this will help you. Maybe it will add to your confusion.

PS – My husband has just ruined this blog for me as he said that the whole meaning behind the cliché is not what I think it means. But I'm posting it anyway. He said that it really means that you can't have both, because if you eat it the cake, you have none, and to continue having cake, means not eating any. Whatever. This will bring me to a continuation of this new topic. Trust me.

To be continued….

PPS - and since this blog is a little lame, I will include some pictures of my darling boy, Ben. Yes, he's darling, even when he fights bedtime.