Wednesday, January 30, 2008

oh happy day, graduation day.

I am learning from many friends that have husbands going through pilot training the amount of time, energy, stress, among many other things to know that getting the coveted wings is a huge moment in their lives. Rob just had one of the two classes graduate, but since he has been away to SOS in Montgomery, AL, he unfortunately missed it.

To honor their achievements he wanted to do something that showed he cared, while he was absent in attendance.

I thought it was very sweet, course, I'm just a chick. However, I would like to think that from pilot to pilot there is a feeling/emotion/sentiment that can only be truly felt by both giver and receiver.

This was the best shot I could get, and since you can't read the words: "These wings have been brought to you from the same spot where the Wright Brothers opened the first Civilian Flying School on what is now Maxwell AFB. Let them be a reminder to you of both the past and what lies before you. Congratulations!"
I won't even try to expound on the hard work that it takes to get to this point, let alone the hard work that takes place after all the training. Life sure is revelant to each breathing moment.
Many cheers to this single moment.

Friday, January 18, 2008

new memories, old friends.

My best friend from college came down to 'Sippi for a weeklong visit, and it was so much fun! I know you all have those friends that last a lifetime and there is a bond that will never be broken. Emily and I have one of those friendships. And in all honesty, we have a friendship that didn't come easy. Primarily because we are very different people. I'm loud, she's quiet. I'm outspoken, she's soft spoken. You get the idea! But the one similarity (that has bonded us for almost ten years now) is the choice to go in "blind" to the dorms our freshman year at Michigan State. And that similarity is what brought our friendship to where it is now!

She will probably blush when she finds out I wrote this. But, friends need to know when they make an impact on someone. I know she knows how important she is to me, so in no way, am I trying to make it up to her in a simple blog. Geez, how impersonal, right?! :) What is it with people who put their personal lives on the internet?! (please note heavy sarcasm) While I know many of you think that I might be a very "public" person, there are many things that are private to me. Which ties in with the fact that my best friend is my best friend. She has seen my sad times, probably in many ways that Rob hasn't. Not that he won't ever experience sad times with me - till death do us part, right - but Emily is the friend that stood by me in college through bad decisions and huge amounts of immaturity. It is by the grace of God that I have a friend like her. I know that all who know me post-college, post-marriage, post-kid probably thought I was always this perfect, but believe me, I was/am still quite far from it. (more sarcasm) :)

So, this isn't a sappy blog, but a "hats off" or "cheers" to memories of all types, past, present, future. And cheers to wonderful friends that you know will be there through thick and thin.
greeting Auntie Em at the airport.
boy's eye the airport....this is my new favorite picture!

at the incline railway in Chattanooga, TN

Ben's handy photography
helping dad put his new bike seat on our new bikes.

more chattanooga pictures
Children's Discovery Museum...virtually impossible for a kid to get in trouble here.
Making sushi. Birthday tulips from a friend/bridesmaid in CO. very sweet, tulips were the flowers of choice at our wedding.
the finished product! look out Herb! Em's going to teach you to make sushi next! (wink, wink) :)

i feel bad for God sometimes.

i feel bad for God sometimes.

The other day I received an email from a friend who has shared the news publicly that she and her husband are expecting. She also asked me if we were going to be "trying" again for another one. She also mentioned to throw any "pointers" her way regarding pregnancy and parenting. After being asked that, it really caused to me to think about this. What kind of information or suggestions would I pass on to a friend who was pregnant? You have to be careful what you say, because the weight of words can be so heavy and can leave a strong impression on people. Because I tend to get long winded, I try to nutshell many things….how do you accurately "portrait" being responsible for a human being other than yourselves? (Yes, there are many actions of others that do not reflect this careful thinking….and it is very unfortunate.)

I think what I would tell this friend to try and not be too Type A. I say this, because this approach can be too strong and it has generally kicked me in the butt many times. This is why I feel bad for God, and it all started with Adam and Eve and wanting "too much" knowledge. Unfortunately, when I get my hands on "too much" knowledge I tend to make a mess for myself. And it takes careful intention to not be like this. Before I begin to not make sense and confuse this entry, let me make myself clear about all the ways I tried to apply "too much" knowledge to my child:

1. It began with feeding. How often? How long? ETC. and that big ET CETERA could really go on forever. I kept a log for 2 months recording how often Ben nursed and for how long. Do you know that I still have the log?! I keep it as a reminder of how far I've come and as motivation to continue striving to not be so Type A.

2. Sleeping. He should be sleeping more and if he isn't, then he isn't growing enough….because early on you're told that when they sleep, they grow.

3. Then was the introduction of solid food. Then began calorie counting. Granted, I had some slightly inexperienced doctors who were also going "by the book" and told me that Ben needed to eat more, and that he should consume 1200 calories a day. (Note sarcasm: Yes, doctor, I can read too, and I have read that.) But that is a huge amount. Nevertheless, I thought that it was attainable. It wasn't, but I never gave up trying and it tore me more to pieces. Don't be like this.

4. Developmental milestones. This is one thing that probably kept me sane. Ben always meets them on time and usually exceeds them. But did I still worry that he was small? Yes. It's quite embarrassing. While I would venture to say that he is average to above in mental development, I know that there are others kids who don't do it on time. I know that if Ben was like that, I would deduce it to the fact that he was small and wasn't nutritionally getting enough.

5. Potty training – don't even ask. It will just happen as evidenced all the time!

And the list goes on....

oh, and the other years/phases/stages, I haven't even yet endured!

DO YOU SEE A TREND HERE? Control, control, control.

It wasn't until we had him screened and tested for possible reasons to why he was/is such a small kid, that I began to have more confidence in who I was as Ben's mom and in Ben's overall health. And I can assure you that if you let Type A and "what should be" take over, you will always lose. And if it isn't size, believe me, you can find any perceived problem to hone in on.

The bottom line of this admission is that when it comes right down to it, there isn't anything in your control that God isn't. Probably a big "duh" to many less stubborn people. But somehow, we get a little smart and think we know better. Which brings me to the other question that was asked of me: are we thinking about another one soon? Of course. We have been thinking about it for a year now, and now that I really understand biology so much more than I ever did, I can get a little, let's just say, fanatical. So, lately, I have been finding that I need to rethink, let's say for the sake of TMI, "cake". So, my doctor says, "I know this sounds so simple, but just 'bake cake' and don't think about it." (This should go without saying, but can you guess if said doctor is a man or a woman?!) Yes, *he* told me to just bake cake and don't think about it. While I know all this, I still somehow think that if it's going to happen, I need to make it happen. So begins charting or, umm, "perfecting cake recipes". And yet, another vicious cycle. And all the while I do this, I don't consider that the One who created me *just* might know much better than me: a) what I need, b) when I need it and c) even when I admit all of this, I will probably go and try to control it all over again.

This is why I feel bad for God sometimes. And why is there only Type A and Type B? Why isn't there a Type AB, a perfect blend of reasoning and approach?

Well, I guess that is where something Greater than myself comes in.

(...geez, God, why didn't you *just* say so?!!?!)