i do have a life.

So last time I told you all about my son Ben’s life. I do have a life. I did have a life.

And it happened a few weekends ago. In fact, I flew on an airplane all by myself a couple weeks ago. That’s right, folks. No sippy cups. No fruit snacks. No Matchbox cars. No airplanes. No wipies. No diapers. Nothing remotely resembling the fact that I have a two year old boy. Other than my easy cotton tee, favorite jeans with hole in knee, and very minimal makeup. Which – by the way – is a rarity, but felt it was somewhat necessary given that it was 5 a.m. and I didn’t get any shut eye until 1 a.m. Don’t ask.

Being “Benless”, you might think that I felt naked without my “permanent accessory”. Seriously. I am glad that it was a busy weekend with traveling, driving, rehearsal dinner, wedding day, etc. otherwise I might feel like I was forgetting something ALL DAY LONG. I know you all hate that feeling when you feel like you’re forgetting something and you *JUST – CAN’T – PUT – YOUR – FINGER – ON – IT.*

And I know that if I had to remind myself every five minutes that I was not, in fact, forgetting anything, but it was just that Ben wasn’t with me – I just might feel like:

1. An absolute ditz
2. An even bigger ditz explaining myself to anyone that might think I look confused.
3. An incompetent fool thinking that I could actually imagine forgetting my child. (It still boggles me that when I lived in PHX – the news did report from time to time people actually forgetting to drop their child off at day care and going to work, and leaving their child in the car – under the hot, HOT desert sun. The outcome was not good. I mean, seriously, does your kid talk!? It’s virtually impossible to get Ben to not talk. Or are you just that spaced out?!)
4. An old lady – feeling incomplete without my son! (I mean, come on, I’m a person too!)

Note: why does it seem that lately, I think in bullet points? No single sentence in my mind lately even resembles a paragraph. Sad. Must do something about that.

Back to the point. I had a wonderful weekend…seeing old friends again, and seeing a good friend and Ben’s babysitter get married. It was great, too, upon arriving Clovis, quickly entering/exiting billeting room to change out of travel clothes, and be asked to be the “stand in” bride at rehearsal. It was an honor, as ragged as I looked/felt and quite strange. And it made me think about a lot. Made me think of our wedding day and just how in a short 3 years time, how things change. Good and bad, I guess.

Good:
1. How you learn to love so much more.
2. How irreplaceable that person becomes more and more.
3. How to agree to disagree.
4. How to accept a brutal opinion from the one you love most. (still learning that one)
5. How “iron sharpens iron”
6.How invested you really are.

Bad:
1. How afraid of the night you become again.
2. How you feel out of sorts when that person is away.
3. How worried you become when you’re apart that something tragic should happen.
4. How it’s easy to get complacent in a relationship.
5. How difficult it becomes to remain a whole person when you have each other.

Attending the wedding reminded me how the love you vowed when you got married differ pretty grossly to the love that you had to learn along the way. I see why it is so important to “save the date” in heart and mind, because there will many times where you feel so far from that first day of love.

In such a short time so far, it really amazes me that things change so much. You work your whole first quarter of a life becoming an independent person, and thinking, feeling, trying on your own, and then you gain a partner for life that has been working on doing the same thing.

It was very strange coming and going as I pleased, going to the gym at my leisure, meeting a couple friends for lunch, without having to stop talking/listening every minute to tend to Ben. Or call Rob and let him know where I was. Geez, no wonder mamas look lost all the time. Having a child is almost like having a commercial break every minute. “We interrupt this program, I mean, somewhat intelligible conversation to bring you an important message, I mean, your child needs something…NOW….” Oh where was I?

Overall, it was a nice, short weekend that was a time of joy for close friends, a chance for me to reminisce, and a time of reflection in myself triggered by the momentous occasion in other people’s lives.

Enclosed are a few pictures of the weekend that I had a life:

don't ask. a picture is worth a thousand words. a few bridal shower games.

molly and me. the beautiful bride and the lady who feels like she is forgetting something.


the bride and her 'maids.

molly and jonathan.

our gift to the bride and groom. a very large afghan the size of our living room floor rug.

our old squadron and an airplane Rob loves. our old squadron ceases to exist, because the base is transforming from an F-16 base to a spec ops base from FL.